Beating Cancer in Heels: Boundaries, are you setting them?

Sometimes in life, we care too much not to set boundaries. Perhaps it’s because we want to share with others or because we want people to feel heard. Either way, when you don’t set them you are leaving yourself open for negativity.

Look, not everything you have experienced in life thus far has to be shared, not every opinion that someone has on your life has to be listened to. However, when you CHOOSE to leave that window of opportunity open for others, you never know what is going to happen

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I experienced a lot of negativity and unnecessary opinions from others. It was very painful to allow someone to take what is supposed to a happy time and turn it into the “let’s criticize Marlena’s life because it will make me feel better” hour.

Being naive to how truly sensitive I am when opinions come from loved ones, I was open to hearing how others felt even though I didn’t ask for it. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I care enough about the person to hear them out or the fact that I sometimes find it interesting to see how others look at me from an outside perspective.

Either way, I welcome it more than the average person and this time it came with a price. It cost me almost a day of my life and missing out on a birthday celebration from my little sister. I just emotionally broke down from something that I could have prevented.

Setting boundaries gives you the ability to have better control of the experiences you don’t want to have at that exact moment. It helps you keep certain areas of your life private. It lets people know what is appropriate to ask or say when they are in your presence.

Through this experience of setting boundaries, you might upset some people because they might feel entitled to say what they feel but remember, in life you can’t please everyone. You have the right to stop someone and by someone I mean anyone, to let him or her know now is not the time.

The right time might not come right away or ever for that matter, but at least you stuck up for yourself. You took the power of your own life and blocked away any unwanted negative opinions or situations You deserve that, Coachee, and I will help you discover how to make it happen!

Ask yourself…

Who or what is draining me?

How will setting boundaries help me?

What areas in my life do I want to set boundaries in?

When would be the right time to set boundaries?

How do I feel when others set boundaries with me?

How can I use that to give me strength?

Life Coach TIP: Make a list of some areas in your life that you want to keep private by who and when.

Empowerment: You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.

Calming sentence of the week – I deserve to take care of myself.

That’s it for today, Coachee! Stay tuned for more tips and stories from your Life Coach Marlena!

If you are interested in being coached one on one or group coaching with FRIENDS, please contact me at Marlena@MarlenaLC.com. You can also follow me on Facebook, Beating Cancer In Heels and Marlena Ortiz.

REMEMBER: Women between the ages of 20-40 diagnosed with cancer get six free coaching sessions through the nonprofit BeatingCancerInHeels.org.