Etiquette Boss: The eyes have it

For many people, making and maintaining eye contact is problematic. The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul, and there may be some truth to that saying. When we hear of any type of unbalanced behavior within our society, the perpetrator’s eyes usually reveal that all is not well with that person’s mind.

However, perfectly normal people find it difficult to look into each other’s eyes without some degree of discomfort. Some advantages to making eye contact are best quoted from ‘The Art of Manliness’ web page: “Numerous studies have shown that people who make higher-levels of eye contact with others are perceived as being: (a) More dominant and powerful (b) More warm and personable (c) More attractive and likeable (d) More qualified, skilled, competent, and valuable (e) More trustworthy, honest, and sincere (f) More confident and emotionally stable.”

Yet, the advice given to those who have this difficulty is in itself difficult. Advice such as focus on one eye at a time and force yourself to look briefly before looking away did not work for me, someone who did not welcome anyone’s gaze because of my history of teenage acne.

I have discovered that the human eye is mysterious, simply because we do not know our own eyes. We look at our faces, but rarely at our eyes. The first three times I attempted to gaze into my own eyes, it was as uncomfortable as looking directly in the eyes of another. However, I focused on them for one minute morning and evening, as I brushed my teeth (21 days recommended). By the fourth time, I found them beautiful.

Next, I found myself glancing at people’s eyes as I walked on the sidewalk, and even at a glance, discovered so many differences in shapes and expression. It was like discovering a new world.

Now I look at eyes like any other part of the body. The mysterious and somewhat forbidding feeling attached to them is gone. It all came about through discovering my own eyes.

If eye contact is a problem for you, start with your own eyes; you might be surprised at what you will find.

Beauty Tips For A Beautiful Neck: A quick tip is to fold both fists and place directly under your chin. Open and close your mouth like a fish. Press chin firmly against your fists. Start with 20 and increase to as many as you find comfortable.

Phillipa Morrish is the president of Etiquette Training International.